A Need To Talk
Posted on Tue Aug 1st, 2023 @ 1:50am by Ensign Rachel Sinclair & Lieutenant Amelia Zano Psy.D.
Edited on on Tue Aug 1st, 2023 @ 10:11pm
0 words; about a 1 minute read
Mission:
Episode 14 - The Poseidon Adventure
Location: Counsellors Office - Deck 5 - USS Pioneer
Timeline: MD004 1600 hrs
Pacing back and forward along the corridor in front of the counsellor's office, Rachel was muttering to herself and trying to convince herself to go in and talk with the counsellor. The phycologists at the Academy had given her a clean bill before she'd shipped out, but clearly something was missed. After her experience in the prison, Rachel was filled with a mix of feelings. Dread, fear, regret, worry, her mind was spinning.
Stopping herself in front of the door to the counsellors office on what must have been her 30th walk past, Rachel took a deep breath in and out before tapping the door chime with a trembling hand.
Amelia had felt the presence outside the office long before it actually presented itself. The ship had been a powder keg of emotion for a while now and a mixed bag of all sorts of feelings. She heard the light pacing outside and she wanted to just open the door and invite them in but the person had to want to come in, to want to speak.
Her hand paused, hesitated even, over the button to open the door as she felt the other side respond. The chime of the door gave her a little fright before she took a deep breath and took a few steps back. Amelia would pretend she was placing a PADD on her assistants desk.
"Enter." Amelia said softly as she turned to face the door. "Welcome, Ensign." she could see the reluctance, feel the resistance and anxiety pour from her like a broken water pipe but still, she had to ask. "Is everything okay, Ensign? Please come in." she gestured towards her office to the left of the assistants desk. "If you want to come in." she added. The hesitance by the threshold of the door very apparent.
Gingerly walking into the room, Rachel clenched her fists to try and keep her nerves under control. Turning to Amelia, Rachel forced a smile onto her face, "thank you Ma'am, I hope I'm not interrupting anything. Can I book some time to talk?" she asked, not entirely sure what to say as she'd never planned past actually walking though the door.
Amelia smiled, "I am free just now, and you are not interrupting anything at all." she watched as the woman's hands were almost white with the tension. It was almost as if she were holding the weight of the galaxy in the palm of her hands and she was scared to let it go.
"Please, call me Amelia whilst we are here. Titles and ma'ams make me feel old, and only stand in the way of opening yourself up to talk." Amelia spoke gently as she watched Rachel look for a place to sit. "You can sit anywhere you like, it is not a test... and they are all pretty comfy." she smiled. "Do you want anything to drink? Eat?" she asked.
Rachel nodded, "a glass of water please" she said as she quickly looked around and chose to keep with convention and sat down on the reclined couch, "thank you Ms Amelia, I'm sure you can tell i'm a little nervous. I've been meaning to come down here for a while, but after how I fell apart during our last mission, I think I need to find a way to get over these bad memories"
"Glass of water coming up." Amelia commented as she replicated two glasses, one for herself and one for Rachel. "I can tell, yes. It's completely natural to feel that way when coming here so I wouldn't let that add to your anxiety." Being an empath was handy, but she didn't advertise it. To most people she appeared Human, and without a direct question she would never correct that assumption.
"I am glad you are here." Amelia smiled softly as she sat across from Rachel. "It takes a lot of courage to walk through those doors so you should feel proud of that." she paused for a moment as she placed her glass down on the table and picked up a PADD. "Now, we can start where ever you like, talk about whatever you want. The floor is yours as they say."
Taking a deep breath in, Rachel reached out for her glass of water but quickly pulled back when she noticed her hand shaking. Taking a moment to try and focus, She looked up at Amelia, “um, I suppose I should start with a little background?” She said, more asking than actually stating. Not waiting for an answer, Rachel started with the first thing she remembered, “well, unfortunately, my first memory is of being a slave to the Orion syndicate. My childhood is blank. Well not entirely blank, I now know what my father looks like, his name and what name they gave me. He contacted me through our intelligence department not long ago” she said, pausing to see if Amelia had anything to say. Rachel still wasn’t sure how this whole counselling process worked.
Amelia listened to how Rachel spoke, listened to the words she said and watched the body language of the woman in front of her. She clearly felt nervous about speaking about this and truth be told Amelia didn't blame her. What she had described so far didn't paint a nice picture of the woman's younger life. "Have you been getting flashes of your childhood?" Amelia asked. This was in regards to what Rachel had said about now knowing some things. "What did your father say to you when he contacted you? How did it make you feel when you saw him?"
Rachel shook her head, "no, no flashbacks. At least not of anything before my time in that Orion lab" she said, trying her best to keep down her feelings of revulsion, "and as for my father, He told me that I looked like my mother, who apparently is also still alive. What I felt.....I felt everything. Fear, excitement, confusion, anger, concern" Rachel explained as she started to rub her hands together in front of herself nervously. "He said he's a Commander in the Republic and mother is helping to build the new homeworld."
"I can imagine all those feelings must have been quite overwhelming." Amelia took note of what Rachel had said. "Did your father just come to tell you he and your mother were alive, or did he have other motivations?" she asked. "I know you are not a mind reader, but if he spoke of what it is he wanted from your meeting then it could open up a route to potential reconnection if that was something you were interested in..."
Rachel gave a simple shrug in response, “he didn’t have the time to explain anything further. I mean, he started to, but then he was called away by some emergency. All he was able to tell me was that my mother was also alive” she said as a thought suddenly came to her, “oh no, what’s Papa going to think about this? Is he going to get arrested for adopting me?” She said as she started to panic again, “Lieutenant, is there a JAG officer onboard I can talk to?”
"Not that I know of, Rachel, but the Captain might be able to point you in the direction of one. At the very least he'll be able to help you if you say I referred you to him. He does like to think of his crew as family so he will be happy I'm sure to help." Amelia thought fast. "Although, if your parents were legally listed as dead, and your father legally adopted you in order to protect and care for you then he will be fine. Oddly, people coming back from the dead is not something that is as farfetched as you would think."
At this, Rachel’s face became even more twisted up with concern, “well……my biological parents weren’t exactly listed as dead, but it was also rather difficult for my adopted father to figure out who my parents were as he rescued me from an Orion Slaver who aren’t well known for their record keeping. That’s kind of why I’m worried for Papa, he adopted me without knowing who my parents were, where they were or even if they were alive.” She said, her breathing increasing as she started to panic, “could he loose his career? Could he be put in prison? What would the Republic do?”
"No, they are not." Amelia agreed with Orion record keeping. Anything outside shipments of their illicit goods and it was anyone's guess.
Amelia sat forward and cupped Rachel's hands in hers. "Look at me. Take a deep breath in, slowly and then release it at the same speed. Look into my eyes, copy my breathing." This was in an attempt to calm the woman down before she hit panic attack level. "Your Papa will be fine. Given the circumstances of your situation I don't see him coming to any harm, or anything bad happening to him at all."
After a few more quick breaths, Rachel looked up at Amelia and began to take slower and slower breaths in and out. Her words also helped to calm her down, although it didn't completely alleviate her worries. "I still think I need to talk with a JAG officer. Maybe I'll contact them after were done" she said as she gave Amelia's hands a gentle squeeze, "Anyway, I should probably get to the point of all this. When I was in that prison, I started to feel a deep panic boil up from inside. I need to know how to get over this feeling so I won't end up being a burden on the rest of the away team next time we visit a prison."
"Unfortunately deep seeded panic in those situations can be hard to remove. Feeling scared, feeling fear in those situations is normal and I need to tell you totally natural. Fear keeps you alert, it heightens your senses and it will keep you safe. The most important thing is to know that you won't be the only one feeling that, even the most seasoned officer will feel a degree of it. If you feel the panic build, deep long breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Keep yourself surrounded by people you trust, a feeling of security should help." Amelia replied.
Rachel nodded, "Slow deep breaths. ok, i think I can do that." she said, letting her mind circle for a moment, "I think I'll talk with the captain tomorrow. Give me a day to recenter myself."
"That sounds like a good idea." Amelia smiled. "And Rachel, you know you can always come and talk to me if you need to. Even if I am off duty just come and find me if you are having trouble finding your centre."
"Thank you, I may take you up on that offer one day. For now, I think I need to find some answers. Thanks again for the time and I'm sorry for just dropping in" Rachel said before she stood up and gave Amelia a bow.
"Please." Amelia placed her hand on Rachel's shoulder. "Don't apologise. I didn't have anyone in, and you are more than welcome. Take care and remember you are never alone here." Amelia smiled and Rachel moved to leave.
A Joint Post By
Lieutenant Amelia Zano
Counselor & Medical Officer, USS Pioneer
Ensign Rachel Sinclair
Assistant Chief Security/Tactical Officer, USS Pioneer
RSS Feed