Jumping off the deep end

Posted on Thu Sep 17th, 2020 @ 4:29pm by
Edited on on Thu Sep 17th, 2020 @ 4:30pm

695 words; about a 3 minute read

Mission: Episode 10 - New Home, Same Pioneers
Location: Rockwell and Robertson's Quarters
Timeline: MD008 2200 hrs

Clarissa started to wonder, now that he was moving in officially, would he expect them to get married. With Jennifer Masters wedding coming up, and Kalina's surprise engagement, she could see how it would make him make that conclusion.

She was not thinking about marriage, but she found even herself, jumping to the same conclusion. Should she get engaged? The honest truth was, she was not yet ready. She laid in bed, being silent for the moment.

She knew that Jayden was just in bed next to her. But for the moment, everything was silent. They were both suppose to be sleeping, but she found it hard to get some sleep. She was to excited, that he made the commitment today.

Because he committed, now she was questioning herself, was she being fare to him. She had made it clear, that she was not ready to get married. Yet the thought lingered in her mind.

She did not want to over think it, but yet here she was doing that very thing. She was over thinking this. The more she thought about it, the more it scared her. She really loved him, but the idea of marriage scared her.

Clarissa laid next to Jayden, he appeared to be sleeping. As she watched him sleep, she wondered to herself. "What are you intentions, do you want to get married?" She asked herself, trying to think, what he would say. She had a feeling that he would want to get married.

She had no idea, why the thought of marriage freaked her out. She thought she had a pretty good childhood. And two loving parents. So why was she scared? This question was eating at her.

Clarissa wanted to reach out to Elloma, but she wondered, maybe it would be wise to talk to a counselor. She knew of the transfer of Lieutenant Li, and of Lieutenant Rynn.

Clarissa was just not sure if she wanted to talk to strangers, but how she felt. It was a very sensitive subject with her.

For the moment though, she was alone in bed, laying next to Jayden. But she felt so alone and scared about committing to marriage? She wondered why that was? She wanted him to move in, and now that he did. She was a little scared and wondered what was next.

Jennifer Masters, Auba Lyna and Kalina Solwick where not making it easier on her. They were all engaged, and one of will be married in a couple of days. So now she thinking about it. And knowing she was not ready. But she felt for Jayden. She felt that she being unfare to him.

The more she laid in bed, thinking how unfare she was being to him, she started to think how unfare she was being to herself. She felt very torn and confused.

She felt a little out of control. Maybe that was the problem, she lost control. Having him move in, offset the balance she had in her place, and maybe she needed to get that control back.

Clarissa knew between the both of them, she was the aggressor, the alpha type in their relationship. Maybe she needed to insert more dominiance. In a way she did, with asking him to move in.

Now that he was there, she was not sure how to proceed. She wanted to respect his rights, but still wanted to be the boss. How did you be the boss, when you are suppose to share everything with your partner equally?

She looked over to him again, and smiled as she thought. He loves me, he moved in. And clearly he accepted her as the alpha woman, the aggressor. And that she needed to settle down, and accept the fact he was okay with there living situation.

She pulled close to him, and started to snuggle up to him, as the scene fades away. With her half laying on him, listening to his heart beat, as she fell asleep.

A post by;
Lieutenant Junior Grade Clarissa Rockwell
Assistant Chief Engineering Officer, USS Pioneer

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